I am an artist.
From the beginning, I had always been afraid to call myself an artist. I did art, sure. But the term “artist” was associated heavily with fine art portraying big messages or political statements, and my whimsical take on art simply didn’t fit in. I was having fun, but I was told I would never make it in the art world. Well, life is short and I like art, so I continued creating whether anyone liked my work or not. Now, art is a necessity, as much as the air I breathe and the water I drink. It fuels my soul, so pursuing this venture as a small business was the next logical step. And as much as the term “artist” still occasionally feels like a weight on my shoulders, I very much am one.
Journeying through the business side of things however, is a whole new level of crazy. As a bit of a perfectionist, I see all the moving parts and I want each of them to have their own perfect little place, a cog in the machine. But running a small business while creating art and practicing self-care with a small child in the house looks more like a Jackson Pollock painting gone wrong. Or right, I guess? I’m still learning, wading through the messes I make along the way. I have the support of my friends and family to get me through (and to remind me that everything does not, in fact, need to be perfect all the time). I’m not quite sure when this shift from hobby to more than a hobby happened. It just did.
People began asking to buy paintings I’d made for fun. Then friends of those friends wanted specific paintings done, so I took a few commissions and word spread that I did creative things for people occasionally. At that point, I’d also gotten into working digitally with my iPad. What started as more of a digital sketchbook quickly became a staple in my art process. I found I could create quickly and efficiently, even when on the go. For someone who loves to multi-task, this is the dream. I still do sketches for physical work on there, but I’m also creating fully finished digital pieces. Many of which end up as stickers, mostly because I have a deep, deep love of decorating my life with sticky things, but also because of the sticker’s ease of use, functionality, and accessibility. Laptop, trash can, car, skateboards, refrigerator, water bottles and sketchbooks. All covered. The list goes on; it’s definitely an obsession. But it’s an obsession easily shared with the world, even though sharing is not something I’ve ever been good at.
We won’t get started on the fact that I’m an only child; however, sharing my art with others has put me on the struggle bus on more than one occasion. We are our own worst critic. It’s human nature. Accepting yourself as you are and being proud of the work you create is not something I ever knew I needed to overcome. I just thought I was a bit socially awkward and introverted, but imposter syndrome is a thing. It’s far too easy to spiral into your own criticisms. As a daily habit, I remind myself, “You are an artist, now go make bad art. Just do all the things.” Everyone works through this in their own way, but this really clicked for me when I became a mom.
At that moment, I knew I wanted something of my own creation I could share with my daughter as she grows. Something I could be proud of. Something she could be proud of me for. I’m not one to share emotions with the world, but watching my daughter’s sense of wonder grow with every passing day blows me away. You can see the wheels turning, her eyes lighting up with excitement as she learns about the world. Then and there, still in the hospital bed, I decided I wanted to be more than her mom, I wanted to be an inspiration. Who knows, maybe this venture will empower her to put her own ideas to work to create the life she wants as she ages. Or maybe she’ll just think I’m kind of a weird cool. Or just weird. That’s fine too.
As long as she can look at me in the future and understand dreams are possible when you’re willing to put the time in and do the work, I’ll be happy. If she keeps that crazy sense of wonder, that spark that got me to the point I’m at now, long into adulthood, I’ll be happy. So long as she lives her own life to the fullest and lives up to her own expectations, I’ll be happy. I’ll also be happy when she stops exploring the world by putting everything she touches into her mouth. Either way, she’s become a huge inspiration to me and my art.
I’m still not sure how serious of a thing this has become, but I’m willing to follow the flame as long as it burns. Will it ever be my main source of income? Only time will tell. For now though, I’m a painter. I’m an illustrator. I’m a sticker maker. I’m an artist. I’m a mom. And I’m happy.
This meet the maker style blog was written for Missoula Makers Co. as an introduction to how Trekkable originally came about. I started trying to get my art out there around the same time Missoula Makers went public downtown, so working with them as been a wonderful opportunity to grow as an artist. They offer a lot of resources for makers and small business owners, so if you haven’t already, here’s your chance to check them out!